I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
