reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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