Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
