i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
