playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
