Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
