I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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