I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
