i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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