you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
