I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
