I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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