the condom got lost in my hair
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
