thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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