Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
