Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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