I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
