i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
