glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Randomize
