OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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