But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
