I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
