this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
