his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
