Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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