I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
