remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
