Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize