Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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