Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize