Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
