Who did Billy Mays play for?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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