So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
