I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
