I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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