It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
