my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize