He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i love accidental penises.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
