i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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