Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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