Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
