My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
