u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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