It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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