Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
