I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
