What did we do last night that was yellow?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
