I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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