I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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