Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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