Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
