So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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