Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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