Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
