Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
