I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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