420 ftw
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
