hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have post one night stand depression
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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