Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
