I just pynch a tree in the face
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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