hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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