I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
