Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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