I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
