false alarm. still invincible.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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