I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
