Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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