Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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